When I was getting married, one of the many advices my mother gave me was that when saad is angry, just keep quiet & don’t argue. Once he calms down, you can convey your point of view & even get angry 😄 If you try to argue when your spouse is already angry, things can escalate & become uncontrollable.
Alhumdulillah, it has been 7 years since I got married & most of the time I try to act upon this advice & it has worked for me so far. Every couple faces different set of challenges when it comes to making their marriage work. But in general, there are certain things that can be done to make your married life beautiful and fulfilling. Some things have personally helped me a lot. The most important thing in any relationship is COMMUNICATION and it’s the key to a happy married life. If something is bothering you, discuss with your spouse instead of burying it in your heart & waiting for an emotional explosion😁. Sometimes we are shy or simply try to avoid a conflict and we don’t address the issue. We think it will resolve on its own. But keep in mind, it wouldn’t. Rather, a feeling of resentment will develop which will only increase with time.
EGO can slowly eat up a healthy relationship. Be a bigger person to admit your mistake & apologize. As someone rightly said When ‘ego’ starts developing in a relationship, it doesn’t take much time to get the tag of ‘ago’.
Try to COMPROMISE & ignore each others’ bad habits. FOCUS on the positive side of their personality. We even have differences with our parents & siblings whom we love dearly but we still ignore & continue to love them for the person they are. Same goes for a spouse. This being said, I’m not in favor of compromising for the sake of society in case one is being mentally or physically abused by one’s spouse. In that scenario, one must not compromise at all.
RESPECT your spouse & their family. Don’t be hasty in telling every minute detail of your relationship to your mother or family. We may forget but parents never do & this way, our spouse loses their respect.
FIND common activities to spend time with your spouse especially after having kids. Honestly speaking, this is something I learnt over time. Saad and I have different personalities and interests. It’s not always possible to enjoy everything he likes esp. DOTA and PS4 (I like games but I suck at them so never ever enjoy them). So the best thing is to find a common interest and spend ‘couple-time’ doing that particular activity. Recently, we started biking and it’s something that interests us both.
GIVE THEM SPACE. Its important to spend time with your friends or doing activities separately. It doesn’t always have to be a couple thing. I cannot stress enough on this point. For a happy and healthy marital relationship, it’s vital to have a life outside your family life. That being said, It’s also important to maintain a balance between family time and friends time. Saad is quite social and goes out for sports or boy’s meetup at least once a week. But he makes sure that the weekend is only for family. He always plans something for the weekend. This way I don’t feel bad or left out. Also, during the week when he does go out, it’s either early in the morning (for squash/gym) or after 8 pm once Abdullah is asleep (I’m also happy to get the much-needed Me time).
As Muslims, our biggest role-model is our Prophet Muhammad SAW and his companions. READ ABOUT THEIR LIVES AND HOW THEY DEALT WITH MARITAL ISSUES. We can get the best advices and tips from them.
LifeOfADesiExpat 